I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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