Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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