I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
