I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
dude. I can hear the air.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
