Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
