Your dad touched me again.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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