hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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