look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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