I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
