y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
