textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Man, jail baloney is awful.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
