just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
