so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
