You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
