I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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