Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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