I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
