So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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