I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
