I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
