Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
