she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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