Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I will pee on everything he values.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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