I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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