Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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