Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
