I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
