im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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