Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
