and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
