he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
