tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
