I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
