I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
