She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
How external is "for external use only"?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
