Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
