yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
