Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
