You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
