If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
