Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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