shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
