she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
