I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
zippers are such a cool invention
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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