in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
