i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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