The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
