omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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