I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
