I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
